Miamoto can go to Hell!
Atari
NES
SNES
Genesis
N64
PSX
Dreamcast
PS2
Gamecube
Xbox
Arcade
1 - Pac-Man
2 - Donkey Kong
3 - OutRun
4 - Berzerk / Frenzy
5 - Space Invaders
6 - Robotron
6 - Sunset Riders (Yeehaw!)
7 - KOF '02
8 - After Burner 2
9 - Galaga
10 - Centipede
11 - Joust
12 - Sinistar
13 - Q*Bert
18 - Tapper (-6 for making meh rage)
With how many crappy and confusing games the 2600 has, it's weird that I think it's one of the top 10 best consoles. Simple graphics, simple games, simple asshole.
1 - Tron: Deadly Discs
1 - Missile Command (Better than arcade version)
2 - Yars' Revenge
3 - Ice Hockey
4 - Laser Blast
5 - Barnstorming
6 - River Raid
7 - Commando Raid
8 - Frostbite
9 - Freeway
11 - Pitfall!
12 - Beamrider
13 - Robot Tank
14 - Kaboom!
15 - Fishing Derby
16 - Fast Food
17 - Seaquest
18 - Stampede
19 - Boxing
20 - Adventure
21 - Skiing
HM: Color Bar Generator, Custer's Revenge
3DO
Same as Atari, only longer, harder, and sometimes more confusing more often. Also, life systems! ...Even though the devs couldn't wring quarters from you since it's a home console, so it's just a blight of a feature. ...Still, I'd kill to be a kid in the 80's playing NES all Saturday.
-1 - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Up (1)2 spots for being so great :D)
1 - Dig-Dug / Dig Dug II
2 - Tetris
3 - Pipe Dream
4 - Hogan's Castle
4 - Excitebike
4 - BattleCity
5 - Tecmo Super Bowl
6 - Adventure Island II
7 - Excitebike
8 - Rad Racer II
9 - Duck Hunt
10 - Super Mario Bros. / 2 [Lost Levels]
11 - Balloon Fight
12 - Blaster Master (On concept)
13 - Punch-Out!!
14 - Kiwi Kraze (Probably a baby game (no contact damage, no dying from water...a lot like Spyro 2, actually), but so is Mario, and people don't have a problem with that...)
15 - Joust (-8 for showing its face again)
20 - Any of the 6 Mega Man games (-13 for rage)
1000 - Ghosts'n'Goblins (-999 for twisted mind-shattering ultra-rage) (At least there's technically no lives...as long as you remember to push continue on the main menu. If not, happy restart! Also, redundant life system. Also...Ghosts'n'Goblins.)
HM: StarTropics, Paperboy, Baseball Simulator 1.000
ILLEGAL: Pac-Man Championship Edition (Rom hack)
1 - Vegas Stakes
3 - (Mainly) Tetris & Dr. Mario
3 - Arkanoid: Doh It Again
3 - Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
4 - NBA (BOOMSH) Jam Tour (BOOMSHAK) ney Editi (AKALAKA) on (-0 for cheating bots)
6 - Gunstar Heroes
5 - Turn and Burn: No Fly Zone
6 - DK Country
7 - F-Zero
Worst companies:
1 - Nintendo
(Besides never caring for any of their games [besides the later-mentioned F-Zero GX], I think a company who only wants to rip off and demoralize fans who're too stupid to raise a hand to them are quite garbage...)
2 - Activision
(Used to be good, now only makes crappy FPS games. THPS 1+2 and Spyro R are awesome, but it'd be nice if they let the guys that made those remakes make a new game in the series instead of killing them off for Battle Royale game #10,000,000,000,000. Also, why flaunt CTR NF if you're never gonna port it to PC?)
3 - EA (Not good.)
4 - EA (Did you like 3 - EA? Well, heres another one with a new numbor and better grafics! If I could put micro-trans-actions on this text, you can bet your ass it'd hav more than 3 - EA. Youd think no one wood buy them, but retardad ass monkies, AKA gamers at large, are gonna eat it up! Don't mind all teh bugs...)
5 - EA (Did you like 4 - EA? Well, I'd tell you what was in this one if it didn't cost $40. Don't trust reviews saying there's less stuff than last time, it's all a lie!!)
-11 - Kekcroc
-10 - Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Plus 12 places for potential favorite game ev4r) (This one's for real! I'd buy a Genesis for you and your tower of power, Sonic 3...)
1 - OutRun (again...) / OutRun 2019 / Turbo OutRun
2 - NBA (MONSTER!!!) Jam (Again...)
3 - Sonic 2
4 - Sonic 1
5 - Aladdin
6 - After Burner (...again...)
HM: Dynamite Headdy, Altered Beast, (All your list belongs to) Zero Wing, CrazyBus, Outlander
ILLEGAL: Shaq-Fu (Cuz I might get hunted down by that anti-Shaq-Fu group)
OST: Sonic CD (JP), Sonic 3D Blast, Knuckles' Chaotix, Kid Chameleon
Genesis does, baby!!! ...Definitely not as good as the SNES objectively speaking... But hey, Sega had an attitude! And the Model 1 looks cooler than any SNES. (But the JP SNES controller is way better than any Genesis controller :\ Nevertheless, it has the illustrious...
-12 - Banjo-Kazooie (+14 places for also potential favorite game ev4r, the N64 was made for BK, Nintendo just can't tell you Rare was pulling the strings the whole time! Ever wondered why every other N64 game sucks besides maybe the other ones on this list? THAT'S WHY!!!)
1 - DooM 64 (with D64 Retribution)
2 - F-Zero X (Feels like a prototype to GX)
3 - Cruis'n USA
4 - SpaceStation Silicon Valley
ILLEGAL: Portal 64
Played for nearly an hour but it was so boring the only reason I could imagine anyone likes it is because of nostalgia or they're MUCH more easily entertained or patient than I am: Majora's Mask (I'd say I should try OoT, but Nintendo games (especially Zelda games) seem too basic to me.)
WARNING! Earth's core low levels of acceptability.
1 - Quarantine (Semi-genuine good game)
2 - Guardian War (Kinda cool)
3 - Immercenary (Almost feels like an MMO, too bad there'll never be a slightly less crap sequel...)
4 - The Life Stage (Aesthetics, man...)
5 - Seal of the Pharaoh
6 - Plumbers Don't Wear Ties (They don't!)
They probably made up for the $299 price with some of the best exclusives on just about any console... For list easy making-ness, none of these easy > +5 place games will be getting plus places :( Also, I've played these HMs for way longer than the other consoles' HMs.
Alpha - Tony Hawk's 2 (Numbers out! Guirella mathematics!)
1 - Spyro 2
2 - Spyro the Dragon
3 - Tony Hawk's
4 - Tony Hawk's 3
5 - Fox Hunt
6 - Crash Team Racing (The rich man's kart racer)
--End of potential favorite games ev4rs--
7 - Colin McCrae Rally 2.0
8 - PaRappa the Rapper / Um Jammer Lammy
9 - ParanoiaScape
9 - World's Scariest Police Chases
10 - Motor Toon Racer
11 - Monster Rancher 2
12 - LSD DE (Unplayed, feels haunted...)
12 - Final Fantasy VII (Translator guy is a hero!)
13 - Roll Away
14 - NFL Blitz
15 - Medal Of Honor
16 - Road Rash
17 - Wipeout XL (Wipeout's the most stylish game series I know, has some of the best soundtracks along with Wipeout Fusion, but for some reason it's a combat racing game with turns that are almost always too sharp unless it's an easy track. I'd probably like it more if it was a sim racer (if a sim racer for imaginary vehicles can even exist))
18 - Any Tekken game
HM: Apocalypse, Any Cool Boarders game, Ape Escape, Croc, Klonoa, R4: Ridge Racer 4, Syphon Filter, Crash 1->3
Potential: Gran Turismo 2 (if it didn't force you to do license tests at the start...)
Games that are crap because tank controls: Lara Craft, President Evil
1 - Sonic Adventure
2 - Crazy Taxi (-5 for rage, +5 for CRAAAAZY Taxi)
3 - Ikaruga
4 - Seventh Cross Evolution
5 - Seaman (Purely on concept; never played it.)
HM: Tony Hawk has bought HD HM space!
Non-exclusive 6th gen games go here. This or 7th gen were probably the last great console generations. Besides exclusives, the PS2's my pick for the best console ever seeing how it can play almost every game from its last generation and it has plenty of games worth playing and most of them have acceptable to great 3D graphics....Granted, most of them are also rough around the edges in some way.
-11 - Gran Turismo 3 A-Spec (+13, favorite game ev4r, yada yada...)
-11 - Gran Turismo 4 (Which Turismo is better? I don't know)
2 - THUG 2
3 - THUG
3 -
4 - Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal
5 - Burnout 3
6 - Bully
7 - Kingdom Hearts II
7 - Need For Speed Most Wanted
8 - Crash Nitro Kart
9 - Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
10 - Ratchet: Deadlocked
1? - Psychonauts
1? - Shadow of the Colossus (This game would be awesome if I didn't need GameFAQs to avoid spending an hour trying to figure out how to kill the colossi (and subsequently not playing the game at all).
1? - Kingdom Hearts
1? - Midnight Club 2
11 - Soul Calibur 2
12 - Wipeout Fusion
12 - DMC 3 (-? for boring levels, but the fighting's supremely awesome)
21 - Need For Speed: Underground
(-18 for rubberband land. Trying to play what, the second or third championship's? last race on hard made me lose my gourd. I've played it on Xbox and PC and I've never beaten it.)
22 - Underground 2 (-19 for no fast travel and harsher money system than Underground 1)
HM: Spider-Man 2 (I only own 3 in actual...), Soul Calibur II
I own a PS2, but I've only had it for a year or two now. Ironic since I love the PS2, I know... I wish you could still buy 6th or even 5th gen games at a GameStop, but suburban gamers don't care about those consoles anymore, they just get fat and dye their hair! That, and use emulators.
Gamecubes are for people that like Nintendo. Most games on it are either on another console, missing (Burnout 3 not family friendly, Nintendo?), or are made by Nintendo themselves. I'm sure plenty of games will be here!!
1 - F-Zero GX (If you're a Nintendo-hater like I am and you've never played this, get it! I say that because it doesn't work well on emulators, so you might have to get a DaveCube. It's so non-boring and the soundtrack (Disc 2, anyway) is so good that I forget it's a Nintendo game.)
2 - Warioware Inc. (Also only favorite GBA game! The SAdvance games are almost as cheap as an NES game and YGO:STTDD is almost definitely using rubberband. Or, card-band.)
Cancel your nostalgia trip already, this game sucks!: Sonic Adventure 2 Battle
I have a Gamecube, but the controller sucks (borken C-stick) and I don't have an AV cable for it, just one of those satanic composite cables.
▲ ■ ● ✖
Coolest 6th gen console, so perhaps coolest console ever? Bad controllers, though. I got a cramp just using the Duke S, so I'd hate to use the real Duke... It's my second favorite 6th gen console! I don't think I'd like most of the games on the Gamecube and the Dreamcast kind of just (f*cking) sucks. Loads of bad bargain bin games, it's like the Wii of the late 90s.
-1 - Midnight Club 3 DUB Edition Remix (This might just be the perfect 6th gen game - chaotic, too fast, and frustrating, yet fun and addictive. They don't make 'em like this anymore... Probably 3rd on the PS2 list.)
1 - Halo 2
2 - Amped 2
3 - Project Gotham Racing
4 - JSRF
(-2 for confusing (for me, anyway) levels, weird trick controls, and a combo system that cancels if you're in the air. Also another nostalgia game, but only in spirit. I never actually played it for years.)
Not only do I own an Xbox, but it's likely the first console I ever played on. I don't know what happened to its original controller, though. I had a crappy Gamestop one for a while before I got an S controller.
Generally, I think reading some random guy's thoughts is a waste of time, but some people like hearing (or reading) what random people think about stuff...for some reason. If you see this and cares what I think, sign the guestbook or message me on one of the links in the warp zone and I'll add stuff. Some of these probably suck because I wrote them when I was a tired sack of lump. Maybe also because I'm not a cool guy (much of a gamer) anymore. If you read everything here and have complaints, go whine (or, "seethe and mald") about your grievances to your Twitter followers like you usually do. Or, put them in the guestbook if you have to...
Rules for the list. They're probably crappy, if my site got any visitors, maybe I'd update them or something. Speaking of crappy, the numbering is broken on some of these.
Concept - Barely if ever played, but I like something about it enough to list it as a favorite.
HM - Games that are fine or notable, but not a favorite.
-x - Something crap
+x - Used to put games in negatives, away from the plebeian normal numbers.
If a console isn't here, it's because it sucks. Notably, the Master System and the Saturn. NiGHTS is too confusing, and Sonic R would've made me want a N64 back in the 90s if it wasn't for the PSX.
1- Blackjack
2 - Yu-Gi-Oh!? (-1 for never actually played IRL)
3 - Ollamaliztli (-?, same)
Real Games, not virtual Nintendo arcade bullshit!!!!
1 - Penguin Wars
2 - Donkey Kong Jr. (I think, anyway. The one with all the levels)
HW - Kid Dracula
Game Boy
5/15/2023 3:25, 18h 42m 20s (according to Procrastitracker)
Having made the best Amazoness ever and being the best Diablo II player ever, I didn't die to Diablo or Baal. ...I did die once to every other big boss, though. I also died once to a normal monster in Act III and another time in Act V. Embarrassing, I know...)
1 - GTA III [The most negatively 6th-gen game I've ever played! By that, I mean, you know how loads of 6th gen games have little quirks that are kind of annoying or make the game harder? ...Alright, by that, I think I just mean bad design. GTA III is pretty much just ALL bad design for everything that matters. You can't restart missions and have to go all the way back to the mission giver if you fail or die, your enemies will always shoot you first because the auto-aim sucks ass, and you have to pray that it aims at the guy you want it to aim at. That means you'll die a lot since, despite programming the game to only let you get shot a few times before you croak, Rockstar treats health pickups like secrets in this game! Oh, and the gang members you HAVE to piss off to progress will try to take you out of your car and/or shoot at you if they see you, just to annoy you even more. I know this is Rockstar's first 3D game, but it could easily be much better designed than THIS. If I ever finish this game, I'll suspect I'll either have joined a BDSM club or I'm being forced to play it in Hell.]
2 - Superman 64 [Everyone knows S64! I only play it for a few minutes whenever I do, but I hate it enough to put it here.]
3 - Banjo-Tooie [Mostly fine until Rare decided putting in puzzles that you have to backtrack for was a good idea. That means you can never be sure if you can do a puzzle or not, especially when some of them require a move similar to one from BK or involves a situation that seems like it could be solved with an old move. Even if you think you can do it, you can't because of Rare overcomplicated things for no reason. And as most people already know, the maps are WAY too big for their own good.]
4 - ?
5 - ?
6 - ?
Bad game (Any console, in order but it doesn't matter)
Misc.
Beam.NG (PC)
DooM (Episode 1-2)(DOS)
DooM 2 (DOS)
[DooM level design gives me a headache sometimes (and quite literally makes me feel sick)]
Need For Speed: High Stakes (PC)
V-Rally II (PC)
Trackmania Nations (PC)
Trackmania 2020
Team Fortress 2 (PC)
Half-Life 2 (PC)
Garry's Mod (PC)
[Portal's alright, but I don't see why everyone loves it so much. Near the end of the game sucks; everything looks the same, and it's easy to get lost.]
Minecraft (PC)
[Bedrock, of course. ...Holy crap, I think I just made the joke of the century! Seriously, though, I wish I could like Minecraft without using mods. You'd think Mojang would be doing something with all that Microsoft money.]
Forza Horizon 2 (X360 & XBone)
Forza Horizon 4 (XBone)
[I'll always hate FH5 for not having ranked (not to mention having terrible writing), it's pretty much the only reason I played FH4 for as long as I did.
Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 / OpenRCT2 (PC)
Diablo II (PC)
EDOPro (Project Ignis) (PC)
Hunt the Wumpus (Web) (https://osric.com/wumpus/)
Increlution (PC)
Untangle / Treksit (Web) (https://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/
~sgtatham/puzzles/js/untangle.html) (https://treksit.com/?puz)
LOEK (Steam)
Pizza Tower (PC)
[20 bucks seems steep for what's practically a Newgrounds game, but that's how modern game prices go, I suppose.]
The only time I don't emulate is if the emulator rarely works without having to change the settings for every game. Looking at you, PCSX2... Side note, I probably wouldn't play Sonic 3 AIR if I had a real Genesis.
Obscure (PC games)
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I love finding old/crappy looking games!
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Atomic Tanks
AssaultCube
Sonic: Time Twisted (Not old OR crappy looking...)
Retro game collectors shouldn't complain about being ripped off; they're ripping themselves off by buying games that lost their value forever ago.
They probably made up for the $299 price with some of the best exclusives on just about any console... For list easy making-ness, none of these easy > +5 place games will be getting plus places :( Also, I've played these HMs for way longer than the other consoles' HMs.
Alpha - Tony Hawk's 2 (Numbers out! Guirella mathematics!)
1 - Spyro 2
2 - Spyro the Dragon
3 - Tony Hawk's
4 - Tony Hawk's 3
5 - Fox Hunt
6 - Crash Team Racing (The rich man's kart racer)
--End of potential favorite games ev4rs--
7 - Colin McCrae Rally 2.0
8 - PaRappa the Rapper / Um Jammer Lammy
9 - World's Scariest Police Chases
10 - LSD (On concept)
11 - Monster Rancher 2
12 - Final Fantasy VII (Translator guy is a hero!)
13 - Roll Away
14 - NFL Blitz
15 - Medal Of Honor
16 - Road Rash
17 - Wipeout XL (Wipeout's the most stylish game series I know, has some of the best soundtracks along with Wipeout Fusion, but for some reason it's a combat racing game with turns that are almost always too sharp unless it's an easy track. I'd probably like it more if it was a sim racer (if a sim racer for imaginary vehicles can even exist))
18 - Any Tekken game
HM: Apocalypse, Any Cool Boarders game, Ape Escape, Croc, Klonoa, R4: Ridge Racer 4, Syphon Filter, Crash 1->3
Potential: Gran Turismo 2 (if it didn't force you to do license tests at the start...)
Games that are crap because tank controls: Lara Craft, President Evil
Most DOS games are made for nerds that don't mind if a game has terrible controls, terrible gameplay, terrible UI, or all 3. Still, DOS has loads of games I think are awesome, but I'd never play them for even half an hour. The numbered ones are ones I'd play for over half an hour!
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0 - The Adventures of Ninja Nanny & Sherrloch Sheltie
1 - DooM
2 - DooM 2
3 - Strife
4 - Lode Runner
5 - Cross Country Canada
5 - Simcity Classic
6 - Lemmings
7 - Duke Nukem 1
8 - Oregon Trail
9 - Stunts (in a world without Beam.ng, Flatout, or frankly, any racing game since the 5th gen, I'd probably think this game was awesome!)
10 - Vette! (this game, too!)
11 - Quarantine
-------
-
Corncob 3D (Maybe if I had a flight stick...)
-
Quake (makes me sick, literally!)
-
Duke Nukem 3D (same thing, this time with map designs somehow more confusing than DooM.)
-
Commander Keen (one hit deaths, fun!)
-
SimCity 2000 (Looks much better than SC Classic, plays much worse. Seriously, why don't zones show if they're powered or not like SCC did...? Don't even get me started on the absurdly vague water system.)
-
Sam & Max / Monkey Island / King's Quest IV / Space Quest (Adventure games...)
-
Wolf3D
-
DOS
Sound chips:
1. Yamaha YM2612
2. Ricoh 2A03
3. Yamaha YM3812
4. Yamaha YMF262
5. N64 CPU
6. Sony SPU for PSX (and other CD-quality things)
Sound chips
Welcome to you're DooM!
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Doom
Doom 2
Doom 64 (Doom 3)
Doom 3 (Should've been a re-boot just called Doom or another game entirely)
Doom 2016 (Already a re-boot, but could be called Doom 4 for respect 'n all)
Doom Eternal (Sequel to the reboot, too much story to be Doom 5)